lonelywhiteasian:

my dash is dead so i’m gonna liven it up with some fun, family-friendly text posts. let’s start this off, shall we? what’s brown and sticky?…. …. you guessed it…. … a stick! hahaha we’re all having fun here

(via beyoncebeytwice)

selfdoubtandsyphilis:

dankestrnemes:

do animals think in english or in the sounds they make

this is what yahoo paid $1.1 billion for

(via halfbakedunicorns)

mememaster:

was i the only one who never had an allowance and just did things cause my parents said so

(via repress)

niallhortonhearsawho:

a girl walks into a classroom wearing a spaghetti strap shirt. immediately every boy within a 50 yard radius gets a raging erection. the teacher attempts to present a lesson but to no avail, no one can hear over the sound of every male student masturbating to this girl’s shoulders. why couldn’t she just wear a long sleeved shirt

(via birth-c0ntrol)

snowmiserr:

one time I was working at Dolly Parton’s water park as a photographer in the lazy river, and taking pictures and what not and I look up and see this very familiar black man floating in a tube toward me. 
and it is Akon.  So I’m like ‘hey Akon would you like a picture with your family today?’ He is all like ‘no thank you sweetie’ and I was all “well you have a good day, Akon” 
he said you too and floated on.  

(Source: americanhustler, via beyoncebeytwice)